So during my three hour lecture
tonight, I could not help but to ponder on the future. As I constantly heard
calls due to a unresponsive patient, a schizophrenia woman wandering around the
neighborhood, and a seizure, I could not help but to wonder if this is the kind
of life I want in my future. I am fascinated by the idea of making a difference
in somebody’s life and making an impact on someone else other than myself but
is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? Each time I heard the alarm go
off, I thought of my dad. My dad was responding to a call at work, like the EMTS
tonight, who knows what could happen out there.
I know that every time I step out my door, I am taking a chance, but every
time I hear a siren I think of my Dad. Every time I see an ambulance I imagine
this entire scenario where a child is crying because their father is injured. A
while ago when I was driving with my dad, an ambulance passed us going towards
the direction of my neighborhood. My dad asked me to call my brother because he
said every time he sees an ambulance, a police car, or a fire truck heading
towards the direction of home, he worries. I have been struggling with this for
a while and if this is the right choice for me. I know the job will be worth
the time but will I be happy? Sometimes I feel like I lean towards the medical
field because I feel it is a safe choice. Practically my entire family is in
the medical field. I grew up surrounded by nurses, doctors, physicians, and paramedics.
I have never question being a doctor until recently and it’s hard for me not to
know what my options are. Right now the
only thing I am certain about is that whatever I do, wherever I am, whenever I
do it, it needs to matter to me.
Crazy
thing is that during English class I am stuck on this endless thought process
of my future. Studying existentialism made me realize that I need to find a
purpose in my life, while I know I want to make a difference, I just need to
figure out how. My teacher explained to the class that teaching gives her
meaning and another teacher said that we should not wake up in the morning unhappy
with our profession. I’ve been at the
rig for about two months already and hearing all of these war stories from
everyone makes me realize that they are making a difference in life but
honestly I have not witnessed one person with passion. Passion enables me to
strengthen my abilities due to the reason that it evinces my character while
motivating me to try even harder. Without passion I have nothing, without a
purpose, I mean nothing.