Why do people do the things they do? Is it because they are naturally good people? Or is it just because people think they should do nice things in order for good things to come upon them? I apologize for this negativity but that is not my intent. Last week in English class we read Revelation by Flannary O'Connor. Mrs. Turpin a good elder christian woman lives life with the wrong mentality. She treats people with respect;however, she does not truly manifest her true feelings towards people. Mrs. Turpin judges others and as she degrades individuals appearances, she fails to reflect upon herself. When she talks to her black farm workers, Mrs. Turpin confides in them about her encounter of Mary Grace calling her an old hog. As her employees help consolidate her, she thinks about how incompetent and unworthy her workers are. She treats people with respect because she feels it will lead her into heaven and during judgement, God will grant her eternal happiness in heaven, but all of her motives are fake. I have no idea why this is on my mind. About 5 mins ago I was eating breakfast an had a bag of tater tots, my story is getting weird now, sorry. But tater tots are one of my favorite foods and my mom asked me for some. I told her she can keep the whole bag because "I wasn't hungry" now let me tell you when I gave her the bag I took two extra tater tots for myself. Was I really not hungry? Did my mind fool me to believe I was full because someone else wanted my food and did I give it to my mom because I was sparing myself from feeling bad if she was really hungry? My conclusion. Don't question life. Whenever I try to find the answers pertaining to life, I just get a headache&&then my mind gets lost within its own thoughts. Maybe I was really full, maybe I wanted to do something nice. But that doesn't mean that because I do something nice, I want something in return. All I'm asking for is just to find a glimpse of happiness and grab on to it as long as I can. I don't mind the bumps along the road, I am not asking for a perfect life, I just want a chance to live.
Next topic. I just want a chance to live life by doing what makes me happy. I am a people please, I really need to work on this terrible habit. I touched base on this subject not to long ago and I said that I am just going to do me, so much harder done than said. This will take a while for me to overcome considering the fact that I do let people take advantage of my niceness because I simply want to do good things for others that will help them. I am the type of person who will not say no when someone needs help. I will bend over backwards figure out how to do a cartwheel( I can't do one) and run across the world to five times and back! Why? Lets not question it. Its merely because I want to help others and when people need my help I feel like I can do anything because I am setting my mind to it. Last night I got two hours of sleep. I stayed after school to sit in a club that I am not in because my friend needed a ride home so I stayed until 4 after school even though I had to study && do two projects&& go to the store to pick up supplies. I got home at about 6:30ish from the store and began my project. Just an hour into my work my older sister called me from work because she was hungry, she wanted me to go over her work and bring her something to eat, sorry about all the food talk. I got back home at 8:45ish. I was up til' 4 last night, woke up at 6 went to give all of my work to my teachers and here I am, 8:25 in the car over thinking as I listen to Taylor Swift. To me, this is just me being me. To others, this is called stress. I'm a little stress but its nothing more than usual so I an used to it. But for me to be able to grow, I need to water my plants before others. What's that saying? "Why must life be so complicated?!?!?!?"
Well it's 8:29, I guess I shall take a nap while I sit and just enjoy this car ride to Pratt, wish me luck, both of my parents are coming with me today so I am going to use all of the luck that I need. Although they are border line about majoring in art, I still have time to tug them on to my side.
