Let my mind just wander off for now because my head is just
to the point where it may explode.
Happiness. Have you ever felt so happy that you believed
everyone that loves and cares about you should be happy for you because for
once in your life you know exactly what you want and you are going after it?
Well that’s me right now. Stuck in the situation between my happiness and the
happiness of others. While many find it easy to choose between the two, I have
a strong difficulty of putting my happiness before others. I tend to please
others before thinking of my own needs because I believe no matter what, I will
be okay in the end because I am strong. My problem? Well I’m not strong enough
to become the disappointment in my family’s life. Growing up I believed I had a
choice of what to with my future. Of course my elders always said to become a
doctor, become a lawyer, make a lot of money, find a nice Filipino man, but I
always saw this merely as suggestions not commands. It wasn't until this week
that it hit me, why is everyone concerned about my future when I believe so
much that I will be okay? I strongly dislike when people underestimate me
because it makes me feel degraded due to the reason people think less than what
I really am.
College, the start of my future. I told my parents I AM
majoring in visual arts about a month ago and I thought they heard me. I think
they thought I was just kidding around and wasn't being serious. It was till I
found out that after I told my parents for the third time, they started
applying to colleges with my major as medical and nursing. Imagine my reaction.
I was disappointed and still am because no one takes me seriously right now. In
addition, I confronted my friends and a couple other people and 99% of the
people had the same question, “How are you going to make money?” Of course, you
can probably guess what I said, well if you can’t, I said something along these
lines. Photography is my passion. It gives me a sense of purpose and gives my
life meaning. >>>>> Question to a college essay was what
inspires me, to sum it up in a sentence, a very long one: Photography enables
me to manifest a love for life allowing me to perceive the world through its
full beauty as I capture reality with my camera; in addition, photography
evinces my character as it inspires me to make a difference in people’s lives
as I offer individuals an elate and positive outlook of the life around them.
I’m happy, now just be happy for me. Be happy that I have
found what I love, what I am passionate for, and fulfills my life. If things don’t
go as planned, don’t worry because I will cross that bridge if I ever get
there, and I will get across that bridge if it is there. Someone once said that
if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren't big enough. Well I am terrified and
I am okay with that because I know that this is what I want. So let this
thought recycle in my mind, this is what I want.