Alyssa Gonzales

Tonight it hit me hard that I was never going to kiss your finger tips or tell you "I love you with everything and more". It didn't hit me as hard as it usually does until I realized that the last time I saw you I didn't kiss you goodbye. That's when I realized how couldn't I miss someone I didn't love. This entire time I questioned if I truly love you and we both know the answer, I do, and I always will. The real question was did you ever love me, and I'm okay if the answer is no. I'd rather believe you didn't love me because how could someone who loves someone so much hurt me the way you did. I fight everything in me not to call you at 1:14 a.m. because I know you would answer. The first words you say will tear me apart. I'll hear your first words and just be happy to know you are okay but the moment I hear your voice, I won't be alright anymore. I forgot the sound of your voice, the rhythm of your laughter, and the touch of your skin against mine and I'm okay with that.